How Do I Cope with Regret?
Regret can feel like a heavy shadow—looming, relentless, and often rooted in “what ifs.” Whether it stems from missed opportunities, hurtful words, or choices we wish we could take back, regret is one of those universal human experiences. But here’s the good news: it can be managed, understood, and even transformed into something meaningful.
Below are some mindful strategies and perspectives that can help you cope with regret and begin moving forward in a healthier, more self-compassionate way.
1. Acknowledge and Name the Regret
Before you can heal from something, you have to face it. Avoiding your feelings only gives them more power over your mental space. Naming the specific regret helps pull it out of the shadows and into the light of your awareness.
Try This:
Write down exactly what you regret.
Be honest, but gentle with yourself—this is not about self-blame.
Recognize if it's an action, a missed opportunity, or an outcome beyond your control.
2. Recognize the Emotions That Come With It
Regret rarely travels alone. It often brings sadness, guilt, shame, or even anger. These emotions are valid, but they don’t define you.
Pause and ask:
What feelings come up when I think of this regret?
Are these feelings rooted in the past or are they impacting how I see myself now?
Allowing yourself to fully feel these emotions without judgment creates room for healing.
3. Distinguish Between Productive and Unproductive Regret
Not all regret is bad. Some regrets can guide us to make better decisions in the future. But others just leave us spinning in circles.
Productive regret:
Teaches you a lesson.
Motivates change.
Unproductive regret:
Feeds shame.
Fixates on things you can't change.
Being aware of this difference can help you redirect your focus toward growth instead of self-punishment. We can’t be in two places at once—we can’t walk through two doors at the same time. So it’s easy to get caught in a fretting loop about the path not taken. But the truth is, taking one option will always mean not taking another. That doesn’t mean we missed out.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
One of the kindest things you can do for yourself is offer grace in the face of regret. We’re all flawed, evolving humans. You made the best decision you could with what you knew at the time.
Ways to show self-compassion:
Speak to yourself like you would to a friend.
Acknowledge the difficulty without minimizing it.
Remind yourself: “I am not my past mistakes.”
5. Make Amends if You Can
Sometimes regret is rooted in how we’ve hurt others. If it’s appropriate and safe to do so, making amends can be deeply healing—not just for them, but for you too.
How to approach it:
Offer a sincere apology without expectation.
Focus on accountability, not justification.
Be prepared for any response, including no response.
Even if you can’t fix everything, the effort itself can be a powerful step toward closure.
6. Shift Your Perspective: Regret as a Teacher
Rather than seeing regret as a sign of failure, see it as feedback from your deeper self. It's a signal that your values matter, and that you care about doing better.
Reflective prompts:
What did I learn from this experience?
How has this shaped my values or actions since?
What kind of person do I want to be moving forward?
With time, regret can become a tool for building resilience and wisdom.
7. Focus on the Present Moment
Regret pulls your attention backward. But your power lies in what you choose now. Mindfulness helps anchor you in the present and reminds you that healing isn’t linear, but it is possible.
Grounding practices:
Deep breathing exercises.
Journaling about what’s good in your life today.
Spending time in nature or with supportive people.
You are not defined by your past. You are shaped by what you do next.
Final Thoughts
Regret doesn’t have to be the end of the story—it can be the beginning of a deeper understanding of yourself. By facing it, feeling it, learning from it, and then gently letting go, you reclaim your power. Life is messy, but it's also forgiving. And so can you be.
Consult an appropriately licensed mental health or medical professional if you’re concerned about your symptoms. If you’re having thoughts or harming yourself or ending your life, call 911, go to the nearest Emergency Department, or dial or text the national 24/7 crisis hotline at 988 or visit 988lifeline.org
